What takes you back

There are moments in your life that take you back.  Some are good and others are bad.  I think the last year and a half was  a hiatus for me.  In reality I was terrified of a lot of things.  Things that I had no control over.  I felt panicky and found myself comforting by doing tedious tasks like cleaning out an email box or re-organizing the closet for the umpteenth time.  It was too much.

Last January, my son’s thumb was near the hinges of a closet door when it was slammed shut.  We had to rush him to the hospital.  The nail bed had been sliced open so the needed to close it and fully reattach his nail.  There’s no worse feeling than your baby in a hospital for any reason.

By March, we were full blown into the kids’ birthdays and packing.  Family drama crept in.  Some devastating things were said.  Some secrets that were more than 20 years old finally confirmed.  I didn’t know it then but it would be the last time I spoke with the man who raised me.

April was the month of saying good bye to all of our friends we made while in Greensboro.  This was actually my first official military move.  It was chaotic and heart breaking.  Here I was 2 years invested and now we had to pick up and move across the country.  So many thoughts had run through my head about not going.  It was only going to be a 10 month schooling, but it was near Adrian’s family.  I had to.

In May, I had already left North Carolina and was staying with my mother and the kids in Louisiana while Adrian finished up.  At that moment we were caught in a move limbo.  He wasn’t able to detach yet and then we got a surprise.  On the 17th, I found out that I was pregnant again.  I immediately texted all my close friends and family.  In response, I received a good dose of drama.  Let’s just not even go into that because I still have trouble figuring how such a happy moment could cause it.

With exactly eleven days to spare before Adrian’s check in date in California, he was finally detached.  We barely made it to the base only to find the housing wait that left the kids and I at his parents’ house for a few weeks without him.  He returned on weekends but now I had to start the fight of the back end of the move.  Our stuff hauled in and stored locally.  All of our “final” bills had to be paid.  The moving expenses were everywhere.  Medically I still hadn’t been seen for the pregnancy and there were hoops to jump through.  Not a good month.

July gave us two great moments.  I flew up to Michigan to be in one of my best friend’s weddings.  And we got housing!  Not to mention Adrian and his family moved us in before I even returned from the wedding.

By August, I finally was setup to receive pre-natal care.  I was seen at 20 1/2 weeks at the Naval hospital.  Everything started to calm down.  Well that was until we had a glucose and a low fluid scare.  Not to mention I was always dizzy from my blood pressure kept dropping.  Once everything was addressed everything started to go a lot smoother.  We enjoyed the holidays with having family nearby for once.

January of this year, Isabel was born and my husband got orders back to the North Carolina.  We began the process of doing everything better this move.  We researched and made decisions in advance.  Found a realtor, contracted for a house and watched the house be constructed via pictures and video.  Found mover’s and began packing again.  First house flopped.  First mover company was fraudulent.  Contracted for a new house and a new mover.  Leaving this time was more organized but more heartbreaking.  We had family for a year.

We returned to the east coast and settled into our new home.  We finished the old bills and converted to the new.  Everything was clearing up.  We survived move number two in under a 12 month span.  I was decorating, settling in to reopen my business and setting up to start college again.  Then I was faced with one of my best friends leaving.  I knew it was coming but I didn’t want to own up to it.  The sadness for a lack of a better word sucked but she was moving to a place I’d see her again (BIG rarity for people when they leave the military).  That’s when I took another blow of drama.  I can’t even continue to talk about the craziness that was there.  Just utter crazy.

Last month, I came to terms with this last crazy chapter.  I had to.  The events of it all were eating me alive.  It’s been a roller coaster ride and I could finally choose to get off.  Through it all I just realized that you have to just be thankful of what you have when you have it.  Let go of the past because it may have made you who you are but it doesn’t define you.  Finally, you’re only alone if you choose to be alone.  I have some of the most amazing women in my life from all of my different chapters.  When I need them, they never turn away.  So when the moments creep in that take you back, go for the ride but be sure you can learn something from it or else you’ll never be able to get off.

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