My Dark Side

There’s always this fear of letting people in.  I have had it for as long as I can remember.  I just don’t want someone to look at who I am and walk away.  I’m not picture perfect and I never will be.  None of us are.

Over the last year, I have traveled an emotional roller coaster.  To be honest, it was a long time coming.  Not too many knew because a few that I did confide in walked away.  I had so much going on.  There was so much that I was always trying to do.  Never did I have a moment to just be with me and take the time to fix myself.  And I was too scared to tell anyone else.

Then twelve weeks ago the ride got crazier and it became harder to bear.  I was faced with the experience of someone, who had a window to my dark side, decide that I had hurt them.  They reacted over something that they had imagined was going on.  Apparently, I hadn’t “liked” something so that meant I had a problem with them.  It was at that moment they decided to walk away from me, but also try to use my pain they then caused to guilt me into chasing them.  Make me feel as though I hadn’t been good enough and it was a privilege to be their friend.  They played the victim publicly while I was falling apart inside quietly.

People still say they don’t know why or that there was even a fight going on.  That’s the way I wanted it.  Things continued to spin out of control and I continued to stay quiet.  I continued to hurt.  If people didn’t know, then they’d remain untouched or so I thought.  I took the beating for a while until it turned on others.  You can hurt me but no one else.  I started to fight back.

In the thick of this process, old friends and new reminded me of who I really am.  It was as though someone sent out a signal that I needed them.  I got texts and calls when I hadn’t even breathed a word of it all.  They reminded me of how beautiful I am even with my dark side.  Those friends really close or not helped me believe again that I am worth it.  I am a great friend.  I am a great person.  Even with my dark side.  Every day is a blessing.  And my blessings are filled with some of the most amazing people in the world.  They never once gave up on me.

And now…this was not the first person to do this, but it will be the last.

To my blessings,

I love you.  And thank you for everything.  You gave me back myself.

Sincerely,

Nik

Inspiration from:  “Dark Side” By Kelly Clarkson

There’s a place that I know
It’s not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run awayOr will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really amEverybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?Like a diamond
From black dust
It’s hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don’t give up on me
Please remind me who I really amEverybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?Don’t run away
Don’t run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don’t run away
Don’t run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stayWill you love me? ohhEverybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?Don’t run away
Don’t run away

Don’t run away
Promise you’ll stay

2 Replies to “My Dark Side”

  1. Wow! That’s a great post! Keep being you Nicole, because you are a TRUE friend!

  2. We all are flawed. You stay who you are and embrace the “me” inside you. Always remember to take 5 to recharge and give your “me” a hug.

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