Weight Loss: Fell off the wagon

I am a stress eater.  I can’t seem to get my stuff together when stress hits.  You have no idea how much I wish I was the opposite but I cannot seem to convert.  When I’m stressed I eat.  When I’m angry I clean.  When I’m sad I mope.  When I’m happy I do.  We are all just a creature of habits.

I started my stress eating at a very young age I think.  I remember cousins making fun of me for how I sounded like an elephant stomping when I walked around.  Then there was my father.  He was and is still I think a total health freak.  He never helped.  Just told I need to go to the gym with him because I was fat.  There was also this notebook I found one day from my step dad saying I was fat.  Needless to say  I never had a lot of support from the men in my life to help me not eat.  I just kinda dove in to food because if it was every where that I was fat than why try to be thin?

My issues with food got worse when I went to high school.  I don’t think anyone noticed but I wasn’t eating at all.  High school was my way to reinvent me.  And the new me wanted to be thin.  I ran.  I didn’t eat.  I tried to throw up.  And I got caught by my mom.  The only family member who ever noticed anything in my life.  I broke.  And now I battle even harder.

I actually have the opposite image in my head…I think I’m skinnier than I am and then I buy clothes & cry.  They never look right.  I wish I was more comfortable in the skin I’m in but I’m not.  My husband helps.  He really does.  He fell in love with me when I was at my heaviest.  That man…he’s truly something amazing.  I just wish he was a steady reminder but at the same time I don’t want him to be.  I need to be my own steady reminder when it comes to better eating habits and exercising.  I need to be the one.  It needs to be for me.

Here it is.  I vow to make smarter decisions in what I eat.  To not allow my stress dictate what happens with my goal of personal healthiness.  To not listen to the negative memories or people.  To believe that my husband will love me no matter what and remind myself that this is for me.

I can do this.

I will do this.

5 Replies to “Weight Loss: Fell off the wagon”

  1. Hang in there,You can do it!You will do it!

  2. Thank you! It means a lot to hear that. It really does!

  3. I'm with ya, I've always been overweight except in High School, where I just grew a lot, so looked like I thinned out… Once I left High school though, I started packing the lbs back on. Highschool was about sixty pounds ago at this point. I joined Weight watchers online a few months back, and honestly I'm really kinda shocked at how easy it really is… No starving, no depriving, no crash diet, no change in WHAT you eat, simply how much… And at that, not even a big change. I'm still full, and I've lost 20 lbs over the last three months. It's not huge losses in short amounts of time, but then I didn't gain huge amounts in short periods of time either. It's gradual, which is healthier, and far easier to sustain. that said, I did kinda fall off the wagon the past two weeks, so I'm getting back into it starting tomorrow, but now and then a step backwards makes moving forward that much easier.

  4. Very nice! That's awesome progress! I think that WW might be the way that I need to go to get a better handle on this. If I have structure, I'm more likely to do.

  5. […] Fell off the wagon.  http://nicolemichelles.com/2012/07/28/weight-loss-fell-off-the-wagon/ […]

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